You're a God
by thisbe gwydion
Summary: Ron's built up a world of lies and wants desperately to break it down, but can he? [songfic-one shot]


"**You're a God"**

**Vertical Horizon**

**I've got to be honest  
I think you know  
We're covered in lies and that's OK  
There's somewhere beyond this I know  
But I hope I can find the words to say  
**

I've never told you. Never could. Not sure I want to. I like this lie we live sometimes. It's like the world is mine, just mine and I know everything and you know nothing. I know that it's not real, this world. It can't be. In what world could I know more than you? None. Not this one, not the next, never. You'll always know more, but in our lie I know more.

It's nice to know more sometimes. It's nice to see you oblivious. It's nice to see that I know one thing more than you. I like nice. It's like a cold winter day when you're bundled up tight. I wrap myself in this lie and fight out all the iciness.

But how could you not know? Maybe you do and you let me go one in my own oblivion. If you knew that'd be okay too, I suppose. It's not as if things would change, would they? We'd go on living the lie, even if we could both see the truth.

But I'm sometimes tired of the lie, of the never ended winter. I long to throw off the blankets and run through the fields. I want to swim in the lake and bath in the sun. I want more than the lie, more than the world I've built around myself. I want things to change, but not for the worse, no I want them to change for the better.

What can I do to change it? Is there any possible way to tell you without you getting angry? No, I suppose there isn't, but a boy can dream, can't he?

**Never again no  
No never again  
**

I have tried to tell you, tried to break out of the world. The world wasn't ready yet, it was still winter even if I tried to push spring along. I tried so hard to break free, but not again. I'll never try that again; try to force the world to move faster, faster than it should. I'll just continue to let it go on at it's slow pace.

It's slow pace, however slow, is a happy pace. Oblivion is happiness, and we're both happy, aren't we? We are, for the most part. If you ignore the war and the pain and the death and the destruction, we're happy. We do our best to make everyone around us happy, including our best friend, as he's most important.

So, no, I'll never again try to move my world out of its perpetual winter. When it's ready, it's ready, but not yet. Not on my time, on its own, no matter how long that takes.

**'Cause you're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
That you would know  
You're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
I'd let you go  
**

I still want to break out of that winter however. You're everything I've dreamed of. More than summer, more than spring, I dream of you being that blanket. No, you are the blanket, you keep me warm, even if you don't mean to, you do.

You're everything I dream about, you're everything I've ever wanted out of life. You're my heart and my soul, my dream and my desire, my life and my death, and I worship the ground you walk on.

I'll never be happy without you. I should tell you, but I can't. If I tell you, you'll leave; you'll run from me, afraid. Afraid of breaking the friendship, afraid of everything. And more than having you in my arms, I want you. I want you here, I want you happy, whether it's with me or someone else, I don't care. I'd rather you are happy and with my worst enemy then unhappy with me, so I'll not tell you.

You are however, a god. I worship you and I always will. I'm not good enough for you, I know that, yet still I try. Still I wish until I can wish no more, I dream until I can dream no more, for you. You're all I think about, I live for you.

Maybe that's a good cycle. You are a god, and I'll be your follower. We'll be happy that way, both getting what we want. I can't imagine that you'd want a follower, not many do, and you're not one of them. Maybe I should just give it up, I can't follow you, I can't worship you, even if I do.

I'm going to let go. I'm going to let you slip away from me, never to be thought of again, never to be dreamed of again. You'll no longer be my heart and soul, my every desire. You'll cease to be the god of my world of lies. No, you'll go back to being my friend, never nothing more.

**But I've been unable  
To put you down  
I'm still learning things I ought to know by now  
It's under the table so  
I need something more to show somehow  
**

But I can't. I can't let you go. I can't let you slip away, never to be thought of again, never to be dreamed of again. You'll always be my heart and soul and my ever desire. You'll always be the god of my world of lies. You'll never again just be my friend; you'll always be something more.

But I should. I know that. I've learned that I should give you up. I've learned that it's a fool's hope to keep dreaming like I do, to keep wishing like I do. But, if all it is fool's hope, then I'll forever be a fool. I'll not give you up, even if I know better. Even if I know in my heart, my mind, my soul, that I should let you go, put you down, I can't.

I'll shove you away, in the back of a cupboard, in the bottom of my trunk. You'll stay there and I'll continue to think of you and dream of you, but I won't let it surface. I won't let my true feelings out. I'll still love you and worship you, but in private, away from you. You'll never know.

**Never again no  
No never again  
**

Why should you know? No, I'll never let you know. Never will you have to bear the pain of knowing your best friend loves you more than life. Never again will I make a mistake with you. Never will I attempt to bring you out.

I'm going to be happy with you being my idol, the thing I worship. I'll forever keep you in my heart, but never on my sleeve. You'll always be there for me to admire and worship, but never to hold and kiss. I'll settle for admire and worship. I'd rather have you as a friend than not at all, so admire and worship are great, they're prefect, just like you.

We'll continue to be friends, and we'll be happy in our ignorance.

**'Cause you're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
That you would know  
You're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
I'd let you go  
**

Maybe I should try once more to tell you. Maybe try once more to let you go. Maybe I should be brave and realize that the comfort of my blanket isn't life, it's a half life. I'm just as bad as Voldemort, I know. Rather having a half life then die.

I'm not him, though, am I? This half life I live, it's not entirely my fault. I'd rather have a half life then have life without you. That is the same isn't it? I'm denying myself love for life. But, is it life I'm giving up, or happiness.

You would know. If I could simply ask you, you could give me the right answer. You know everything. You know almost everything.

You don't know that I think you're a god. You don't know how I worship you. How I wish I could have just one kiss, one sweet soft kiss, one brush of your lips upon mine. A kiss, my life for a kiss. But no, I'd never give my life for a kiss. My heart, my heart for a kiss. But you already have that don't you? You've always had it, my heart. My love, my love for a kiss. But you have that already. Don't you see I've given you everything I value? So, my life, my life for a kiss.

My life isn't mine anymore, no, it's been sucked into the icy world of lies I've built and I can't get it back. Save my life, save my life with a kiss. A kiss could bring me into spring, bring me out of the cold winter I've built around me, shatter the ice that's encased itself about me.

You'll not kiss me, not a real kiss. You'd save my life if all you had to do was kiss me, but that's not it. It must be a kiss with heat and passion, enough to melt the ice. And since you can't give me that, I'll give up. I should've done it ages ago, I'll try once more. I'll try once more to push you from my life; I'll take you from my trunk and push you on your way.

I've given up on you again. I'm letting you go again. I'm pushing you out of my heart again.

**I've got to be honest  
I think you know  
We're covered in lies and that's OK  
There's somewhere beyond this I know  
But I hope I can find the words to say  
**

It's a lie, this world I've built. But I can't escape it. It will be my world forever. When time has gone and passed, we'll still be here. Me, my blanket, and my world, we'll be here forever, we'll withstand time itself.

I'll live with my lies because I'm not brave enough to let them go. I'm not brave enough to let you know what I think. So this world is okay, I'll learn to love it and I'll thrive in it.

But I want more; I'll always want more I suppose. How could I not want more? How could I not long for your kiss, your touch, your love? How could I not dream of it, how could I not think about it every waking moment?

So, my circle is complete. We're living a lie, maybe we both know, maybe we don't, and I'm going to keep living with it, even if I should tell you. I'll continue to want more and to want you and to want to give you up and let you go, but I'll always be unable to. That's the way life is, I suppose, when you're me. When you're not brave enough, when you're too scared to tell the woman you love, that you love her. Well, I love you, Hermione, even if I'll never be able to say it to your face.

**Never again no  
No never again  
**

I'll never say it again. I'll never think it again. Never. I'm giving it up. I'm letting it go. I'm putting it away. I'm sealing my heart, I'm moving on. I'll take after my worst enemy and bounce from girl to girl, never wishing it was you.

I'll become the person he is, but I won't be heartless. I'll treat them right, but I'll use them and throw them away. I'll enjoy it, and never wish it was you. He'll be my hero now. Not Harry, no not my best friend, my worst enemy. If I was more like him, I'd not care about you, which I don't, not anymore.

If I become like him, the pain will go away and I'll never think of you.

But I can't become like Draco Malfoy. I can't jump from girl to girl. I'll try it, but I know I won't like it. I won't wish they were you, but I'll try it.

**'Cause you're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
That you would know  
You're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
I'd let you go**

Who am I trying to kid? I'll always worship you and I'll never be good enough for you. I'll always want to tell you. I'll never be able to and I'll always want to let you go, but I'll never be able to.

Ron looked up at Hermione, noticing every little detail about her. The few strands of hair that had escaped her hair tie fell softly upon her face as she read. Her skin seemed to glow independent of the fire light. Her eyes burned with intensity, but that he couldn't see, that was just something he knew. Her lips were rosy and soft. Her eye lashes were long and curled softly.

He wondered how she felt, wondered if she felt the same way. He'd read that parchment over and over, his writing becoming faded. He'd written it so long ago, but it still rang true.

He had to go; he had to let her go. So he did, he got up and left the common room, not bothering to look back, not realizing that the parchment had fallen from his hand to land on the floor.

He was down the first flight of stairs and standing on the platform when he heard his name and turned back. Hermione came running into his arms, pulling his lips onto hers. They cupped each other's faces in their hands, pulling the other in as much as they could. The passion seemed to steam off them and Ron felt Hermione go weak in his knees.

"I love you," Ron said breathlessly as he looked down at Hermione.

"I love you," Hermione breathed softly as she smiled up at Ron.

A/N: You've taken the time to read... so please review!


End file.
